Mel Gibson to Become Monk in Italian Monastery

REGELLO - Italy - Hollywood actor, Mel Gibson, has been accepted as a monk at Corborrosa Abbey and will stay there for the rest of his life to dedicate himself to the worship of Christ, his agent has revealed.

He is known for his articulate way with the wonderful English language as well as his delicate oration whilst speaking to members of the opposite sex; his eloquent acting style and his impeccable manners both on and off set are a prime example of the qualities that we all aspire to. Sadly, all of this will be lost soon as Hollywood is to lose this great actor, known as Mel Gibson, to the Corborrosa Italian abbey in Tuscany, next week.

Gibson has already got his monk’s outfit out and is showcasing it around Hollywood much to the amusement of passers by as well as other Hollywood celebrities.

The preparations for Mel’s saintly monkhood are continuing in earnest with a contingent of monks even making the effort to fly out from Tuscany to coach Mel on how to be a monk in the monastery.

“For starters there will be no more smiling blowjobs in the morning from Russian escorts, no demands for self-worship and definitely no violence or cussing. I for one think it’s going to be nearly impossible for Mel to do it,” his agent told TMZ.

The former actor’s daily roster will consist of morning prayers at 4.30 am, morningsong at 5.30 am, then he will help either in the gardens or orchards for two to three hours; then more prayers and a spot of lunch. After lunch, the Monks usually have an hour of timber cutting work, at 4.30 pm there is an evening mass as well as evensong and then bedtime is at 6 pm.

The self sufficient monastery even grows its own food, and Mel will be eating such staples as stale bread, olives and fresh Tuscan cheese.

Speaking from the monastery, Abbot Francisco De Pacino, told the Tuscano Gazzetta, that it was an “honour for the abbey to receive the great Mel Gibson to the fold”. Already there have been preparations for the actor’s entrance: “We have hidden all the wine, even from the cellar. Also, our housekeeper, Georgio has prepared a special bed for Signor Gibson, there are thick leather straps to hold him down when he has his moments. Also, as you know, women are forbidden from entering the abbey, so Mel will be happy about that. He can be one with Jesus now. We also do not have, Jews, Negroes, Hispanics, Chinese people, Arabs and anyone else that Mel has not offended deeply in our abbey.”

Mel Gibson is set to fly out to Tuscany in mid august and has already sold everything he owns before the trip. He has vowed to dedicate his life to monastic living and has no more need for the material objects he has lost through negligence and divorce.