RUNCORN – England – Under new Coalition rules spearheaded by Nick Clegg, all churches in England and Wales will now be forced to include gay bath houses in the religious buildings.
The new initiative pushed through by Deputy Prime Minister, Nick Clegg, will involve massive renovations to all the churches in the British Isles.
Equalities Minister Lynne Featherstone is to propose pushing through the gay bath house bill making it compulsory to include bath houses at all religious settings in England and Wales.
“We’ll have bath houses where the men and priests can congregate and even a viewing gallery where Coalition church bath house inspectors can ensure that the gay orgies within the churches are conducted in a gay enough manner,” Arch Deacon of the Bristol Diocese, Henry Felcher, told the BBC.
Already, there has been interest from some celebrities like George Michael and Sir Elton John.
“We’ll be going to church a lot more often in England now. I’ll bring the baby I recently bought with me to tell him about the bees and the bees,” Sir Elton John told the Los Angeles Times.
George Michael has also requested the Coalition government install men’s urinals in the churches to facilitate the Christian cottaging population.
“When I walk into the church I want to smell the urinals. They can have cubicles right next to the altar,” Michael said, attending an opening ceremony at a church in Highgate, North London.
The Catholic church, however, has dismissed the new Church of England rulings as ‘atrocious’.
Speaking from the Vatican, Pope Benedict said: “Gays in the church? The Catholic church does not agree that gays should marry in church, for a start, our priests do not marry, and furthermore, they are bound to the utmost secrecy when buggering young boys.”