ALERT! Someone Has Defiled and Vandalised Comrade Starmer’s Office

THIS IS AN EMERGENCY ALERT FOR THE PEOPLE’S REPUBLIC OF SOVIET BRITAIN

Someone or a group of brigands have entered Comrade Starmer’s office at Number 10 Red Downing Street and defiled the place with banned flags that are not permitted in the PRSB.

The vandals also painted a depiction of the banned flag on Comrade Starmer’s forehead while he was listening to an urgent communiqué detailing his upcoming orders from Brussels.

The Big State will not tolerate such things as nationalism of past historic relics, or concepts like sovereignty. These are deemed as relics of the past imperialistic, capitalist democracies, which are now banned in the PRSB.

Our teams of Stasi agents are now investigating this sordid affair, and whoever is responsible for this outrage will be publicly hanged in Red Parliament Square.

If any of you vile Prole scum find the person who did this, you will be rewarded with double-plus good extra sugar rations of at least 0.003 grams per annum and a box of used, perforated condoms to use at your pleasure.