The Wonderful Notting Hill Carnival is Underway This Year

Fun, fun, fun times are to be had this year, much like years past at the Notting Hill Carnival where certain cultures celebrate their glorious qualities to all and sundry.

“I hope there will be more stabbings and shootings this year. For entertainment factor, you just don’t get better than that,” one reveller shouted.

Getting robbed or murdered is the highlight for many who attend amongst the jostling, body odoured crowds.

“I saw one pale lady swamped by a pack of them. I didn’t see her ever again, she just went under. They were gyrating their hips as they do, and that was that. She’s gone now. Hyenas in the Savannah have more civility,” a resident revealed, watching from his window.

This event is probably the high spot in the year for every Met policeman and woman in the ruined city sequestered for duty. These misfortunate denizens of law enforcement are called up on duty to somehow police an event that is frankly un-policeable.

As the organ donor business goes, it’s rather hit-and-miss as well.

“Yeah, we do get some quality livers and kidneys sometimes, but a lot of them have had 12-inch zombie knives and such plunged through ’em. Perforated like a fucking Tetley tea bag. No good for us,” the commissioner for the NHS organ donor service, Bill Spleen, told the BBC.