Global Recession Finally Over Let the Good Times Roll

Millions celebrated across the world last night

NEW YORK – USA – The global recession is finally over and millions of people around the world are celebrating the end of the largest recession in the world's history.

There were mass street celebrations all over the world including cities like Sidney, Vienna, Phnom Penh and even in London.

Millions of people took to the streets to celebrate the end of the recession.

Banks were happy too, and were giving away unsecured loans to anyone without so much as a form being filled in.

“I walked into a branch of Midland bank and they sat me down on a chair and gave me a loan for £10,000 at a dirty low interest rate and a 130% mortgage. They just said, you can pay it back whenever you want,” Larry Jagger, 25, from Hartlepool, England, told the BBC.

Global stock markets jumped up 46% on Tuesday as the news headlines streamed the glorious announcement.

Not only have the banks opened up again, so have the car manufacturers who are doing buy one get one free deals. Both Ford and GM are giving away brand new SUV’s if you buy a mid size luxury car.

Supermarkets were giving away free food to people in the streets and Apple stores were literally shedding ipods in malls all across the Western world.

Credit card companies all over the world immediately started promoting 0% APR credit cards.

Consumers all over the world rejoiced: “We’re out of the recession. I feel like a black cloud has been lifted from the land and I can breathe again. I can spend, spend, spend, again without the old fear creeping around the corner for awhile. I think I just had a multiple cash orgasm all over the shopping mall,” Dana Kurvinski, 23, from Daytona Beach, Florida told CBS.

  • wurzel

    You're lucky, my share portfolio is now worth less than when I bought it, I've lost my child's college fund, my pension fund is worthless and I will probably lose the house soon…oh and my job is on tenderhooks right now too……..

    Count your lucky stars you're in my shoes.

  • J D

    I lost half my pensions value today. I want to know what the source is for this story. Have you seen what happened today in the markets?

  • Christie

    I'm glad it's all over. it has been so frickin depressing. We just all need to get on with our lives once again. God bless you all.