Meghan Markle Sends Pint of Milk to 50 Celebrities

“I like to milk things. I milk and milk and milk until there’s nothing left. Then I milk more, just for those dry crusty teats to give up just a few drops more of milk,” Meghan Markle revealed to Hollywood Week magazine.

Markle’s interest in milking may also extend to British royal matters, which involves a lot of milking as well.

“If I hadn’t snatched and ensnared that certain dumbo royal prize, I could not have performed so much milking. Thank Lucifer for dumb people, eh. The sheer amount of milking and milking has been extortionate, and I should know because now I’m drinking the milk of my endeavours. Netflix, Spotify, shopping blogs, branding my own kids, and of course the huge floppy milk filled bulbous teat of the American people. I’m milking the American public as if they were an overloaded heifer flopping around in a field of stupidity. They are so easy to milk because they all adore me so much. Silly fools!”

The lucky 50 celebrities who all received a pint of milk personally milked by Meghan Markle all showed their gratitude on social media.

One US celebrity wrote: “It sort of tastes like arse milk, or the curdled strainings of clotted yellow liquid after leaving a carton of bubbling, frothy milk on a piping hot radiator for four hours. The question is, how long can Meghan milk the royal cow for?”