Red Ed Miliband : “Comrades! I am going to sort out that ‘racist idiot’ Trump!”

Comrades, it is I, your favourite bacon sandwich-chomping Marxist Labour politician, who has made the cost of electricity in the UK the highest in the entire world. As well as contributing to the ruination of the UK economy with my evangelistic Net Zero gluttony, I have now been appointed as Foreign Secretary by Comrade Burn’em. My first task will be to put to task that fucking racist idiot capitalist pig Donald J. Trump.

In America they have enterprise, wealth and a thing called economic growth. Disgusting. Also, I have heard that they drill for oil. Double disgusting.

Do not worry, comrades; I will educate the lowly American capitalist scum in Marxism via the Net Zero method, which impoverishes and weakens nations, so when the Russians invade, all they have to do is walk right in and take over.

I will demand that Trump builds more wind farms and eats soy products. If he eats a cheeseburger in front of me, I will rebuke him and offer him some soy-processed vegan burgers.

Your time is up, Donald J. Trump, you racist idiot. I am going to fix you and fix you good, so you better watch out — Red Ed’s about. (nasal nerdy chuckle)