VOTE LABOUR: “Comrades, today I am ordering you to vote for Labour”

Comrades, we are still in a socialist system where the last remnants of democracy are being chipped away as we transition from socialism into full communism. In this respect, that means that in the current system there are still local elections, which will be phased out soon thankfully by the Labour Party. The People’s Republic of Soviet Britain will not be robbed by democracy and elections, remnants of Britain’s horrific colonial past.

The Goal of Socialism is Communism. – Vladimir Lenin

Today is polling day, and I am ordering all citizens to vote for Labour. If you do not vote for Labour, when the communist revolution occurs, we will have your name and address, and by that time we will have built more gulags in Stasi Britain.

This is not a threat; it’s an order that if you do not vote for your Labour commissar representative, when we transition into communism, we will hunt you down and liquidate you, who will be deemed a “far-right” enemy of the state.

Our Labour Stasi agents and spies are watching and monitoring all citizens at all times. We even have eyes and ears in polling stations, and if you tick the wrong box, you just signed your own liquidation order.

I am currently in my bunker at a secret location due to the Mandelson/Epstein episode, which I unsuccessfully tried to cover up. My circle of trust anticipates an internal bid for my position as supreme leader by various treacherous factions within the party. Their manoeuvres will not be tolerated, and they will all be rooted out and sent to gulags up north where they will be worked to death.

VOTE LABOUR OR DIE! IT IS SIMPLE!

PRSB URGENT COMMUNIQUE

JENNY SALTBURRATHER, 14, OF KINNOCK AVENUE, CHINGFORD, LONDON HAS BEEN AWARDED THREE BUCKETS OF SEWAGE-LADEN FRESH WATER, WHICH CONSTITUTES TWO MONTHS’ RATIONS FOR A FAMILY OF FOUR. SHE WAS ALSO AWARDED THREE BOXES OF QUADRUPLE-USED TOILET PAPER AND TWO ROTTEN TURNIPS. SHE REPORTED HER MOTHER, FATHER, SIX BROTHERS, EIGHT SISTERS, THREE AUNTS, ONE UNCLE AND HER ENTIRE CLASS AT SCHOOL FOR CALLING COMRADE STARMER A “LYING COMMIE CUNT WHO DESERVES NO VOTE!” AND SOME OF THEM EVEN SPAT ON THE FLOOR WHEN HIS NAME WAS MENTIONED. THEY WERE ALL ARRESTED IN THE EARLY HOURS OF THIS MORNING AND TRANSFERRED TO THEIR LOCAL NET ZERO JUICE PROCESSING CENTRE WHERE THEY WERE PROCESSED INTO NET ZERO JUICE – THAT COOL REFRESHING DRINK – ONLY 14 SOVIET PENCE PER PINT. HMMM, SO REFRESHING AND NUTRITIOUS.