WW3: Comrade Miliband is Saving Britain’s Oil and Gas Reserves For Putin

We have some more great news about disarming the UK and leaving it vulnerable to attack from Vladimir Putin’s Russia. Comrade Ed Miliband is crippling Britain’s domestic energy production by accelerating the shutdown of North Sea oil and gas production and restricting new licences, as well as increasing punitive taxes on oil and gas companies. He is effectively halting all production of a valuable energy resource that would be crucial in a time of war, leaving the country defenceless and unable to survive.

Because of this, UK production is being severely impacted, making us poorer, less secure, and more reliant on expensive imports that cause more carbon emissions because they have to be delivered to the UK from thousands of miles away. Drillers have frozen investment in response, making this the worst year for the North Sea since the 1970s.

Comrade “Mad Ed” Miliband explained his reasoning for his horrific, harmful actions.

“Comrades, I am proud to announce that I am killing off this country’s domestic energy production capabilities so that my dear friend and comrade in arms Vladimir Putin can walk into this country virtually untouched by a single bullet and take all our oil and gas reserves. He will then not only take over the entire country but our lucrative oil and gas fields worth billions of dollars. I am saving these energy reserves for Putin when he comes and plunders everything we have.”

Thanks to Comrade Miliband’s surrender plans to Putin, Grangemouth, Scotland’s only oil refinery and a major petrochemicals hub, is shutting down.

Due to Comrade Miliband’s wonderful actions, energy costs are rising at exponential levels leaving many manufacturing firms, crucial to the economy, floundering and forced to shut down operations. Some firms are luckily shifting production to other friendlier countries that do not actively try to kill off their entire manufacturing industry.

Remember comrades, when Vladimir Putin’s troops walk into Britain, pull down your trousers as you bend over ready to be fucked. This is all thanks to Comrade Miliband.