Labour Minister Discovers Chinese Spy Up His Bottom

“China is not a threat!” a Labour minister defiantly shouted.

“What’s that sticking out of your arse?” someone asked.

According to an NHS proctologist, the minister has had a Chinese spy lodged firmly up his rectum for over 6 months and what’s worse, he has been relaying everything the MP says to CCP headquarters in Beijing daily via his Huawei Chinese spy phone.

“It’s not just what the minister says that is spied on but what he eats as well, it seems,” the proctologist revealed.

Extracting the Chinese spy from the minister’s anus is scheduled for next Tuesday, and the operation could take as much as four hours.

“We tried to entice the little shit out with a bowl of piss eggs, which is a Chinese delicacy. The traditional dish comes from Dongyang, Zhejiang, China, in which eggs are boiled in the urine of young boys, preferably under the age of ten. Through our scanner, we saw him licking his lips in anticipation, but he eventually halted, probably remembered his Chinese spy training to resist temptation,” another doctor at the hospital revealed.

The Labour government are desperate to stay in Beijing’s good books because they think the Chinese will save the UK from the Labour government’s mismanagement of the economy. Despite a vast spy network in parliament, the Chinese threat is apparently “not a threat” according to Labour.