Commissar Reeves: “I am never accountable for my actions”

Comrades, everyone else is to blame for our economic destruction created by me.

Air fare taxes, Net Zero tax, food inflation, huge spending on state wages, huge borrowing, massive taxation increases on capitalist swine businesses are of course nothing to do with my policies which I made during the last nightmare budgets.

Last time, comrades, I blamed the former government, then I blamed numerous black holes that magically appeared, and now I blame Brexit. Yes, Brexit, which allowed for massive trillion pound trade deals that the EU could only salivate over, well, it’s Brexit now to blame for another huge increase in taxes that I will bring upon you fucking scum proles in November.

The sudden huge increase in inflation, unemployment and debt that occurred immediately after my last budget is because of the former government, black holes and Brexit.

The Nightmare Budget Before Christmas

Yes, as I prepare to scrape the last remnants of wealth from your empty pockets, I also wave goodbye to the wealthy millionaires and non-doms who have all fled the People’s Republic of Soviet Britain. Fuck you and your money. We don’t do trickle-down-economics here, we just do trickle-down-diarrhoea.

I know you are all looking forward to my upcoming budget in November. Let me tell you smelly proles, after this one you won’t have a penny between you to spend. You’ve heard of the Grinch, well Christmas is cancelled indefinitely now for sure. No Christmas for you unwashed masses. In fact, if you can scrape a few morsels of bark from a tree and boil it in a pot, you might get some nourishment then, or alternatively you can start cannibalising each other. At least that will reduce your Net Zero carbon tax bill, eh.

PEOPLE’S REPUBLIC OF SOVIET BRITAIN BULLETIN

JOSIE TRIMBLETRUNCH, 12, OF TONY BLIAR STREET, SECTOR 40, DAGENHAM HAS BEEN AWARDED A BOX OF USED TOILET PAPER, AND THREE BOXES OF ROTTEN TURNIPS FOR REPORTING HER FATHER, MOTHER, BROTHER, FOUR SISTERS, HER UNCLE, AUNT, GRANDMOTHER AND GRANDFATHER FOR CALLING COMMISSAR RACHEL REEVES “A RAVING LUNATIC CUNT WHO NEVER TAKES ACCOUNT FOR HER INSANE BUDGET DECISIONS”. THEY WERE ALL TAKEN TO A COMRADE MILIBAND NET ZERO PROCESSING CENTRE AND LIQUIDATED ON WEDNESDAY. THEY ARE NOW NET ZERO JUICE – THAT COOL REFRESHING DRINK, AVAILABLE IN ALL PRSB STORES RIGHT NOW! REMEMBER, COMRADES, LISTEN, LOOK, REPORT!