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Commissar Reeves Announces Great News About the Shrinking UK Economy

SCUNTHORPE - England - The shrinking UK economy thanks to Commissar Reeves is now lower than Slovenia according to government statistics.

Comrades, commissars, Labour Party hierarchy, Bolsheviks, apparatchiks, Big State civil servants, train drivers, Marxist union bosses, NHS managers, and the rest of the scum proletariat.

Commissar Reeves has today announced the wonderful news that the UK economy has continued to shrink thanks to her anti-growth policies, which are impoverishing the UK. But comrades, we all know the shrinking UK economy is all due to that capitalist swine Donald Trump. This is the Big State’s real reason for the major downturn.

URGENT COMMUNIQUÉ FROM COMMISSAR REEVES

Chocolate rations for this year will be reduced by 14.3 grams and butter rations will be halted indefinitely for all, except for Big State apparatchiks, high party Labour commissars, union and NHS bosses, and train drivers.

Net Zero zones in sectors 45,32,112 and 61 will have their electricity cut off at 3pm on Tuesday for 12 hours due to power issues. The current temperature is -6 Celsius but do not worry comrades it is anticipated to rise to -4 degrees by then. Any citizen caught trying to heat themselves with a fireplace, gas heater or wood burning stove will be arrested and charged under Net Zero regulation 634542-1a.

Commissar Reeves has hailed the state of her personal drive to decrease living standards and ruin the British economy. According to government statistics, the standard of living in the UK is now lower than Slovenia.

Comrade Reeves today outlined her 1-year-plan to bring the UK economy to the level of Zimbabwe by next year.

“I am proud to announce that the huge taxation increases, high inflation, business red tape plus tax increases, and punishing farmers and private schools with punitive measures, as well as 90% of the wealthy and affluent leaving the UK has provided dividends in ruining and contributing to the shrinking UK economy as my policies punished the private sector yet awarded vast pay rises to Marxist unions, train drivers, NHS bosses, and the Big State civil service. I look forward to ruining the economy further, so the general population will be forced to eat the bark off the trees to survive. Oh, and it’s all Donald Trump’s fault.”

INGSOC NOTICE 442900-039972-34393830110983839291119283838292920-4

ANNIE LUNGTHORPE, 12, OF 34 KARLMARX ROAD, BRIGHTON, SECTOR 87, ENGLAND, WAS TODAY AWARDED 0.0034 GRAMS OF EXTRA CHOCO RATIONS FOR REPORTING HER UNCLE, AUNTIE, BROTHER, SISTER, LOCAL BAKER AND BUDGIE FOR TUTTING DISAPPROVINGLY DURING A BROADCAST FROM COMMISSAR REEVES ABOUT THE BIG STATE INCREASE IN ALL BIG STATE TAXES FOR PROLES TO BE ENACTED NEXT WEEK. THE TREACHEROUS TRAITORS TO THE BIG STATE WERE TAKEN AWAY THIS MORNING AT 3AM. THEY WILL BE LIQUIDATED AND RECYCLED FOR SUSTAINABLE COMMISSAR MILIBAND NET ZERO PURPOSES! REMEMBER COMRADES, LOOK, LISTEN, REPORT!

 

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