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Dangerous Criminal Disappointed by Early Release Thanks to Labour

WORMWOOD SCRUBS - England - A dangerous criminal is seriously disappointed with his early release from prison thanks to Labour policies of releasing dangerous criminals early from their sentences.

The evil policy of releasing dangerous criminals back into the public masterminded by Labour MP David Lammy is causing agitation on both sides of the fence. One dangerous criminal, who was convicted of multiple murders, fraud and rapes, is frankly disappointed that his prison sentence has been cut short.

“I had packed all my books and video games for the long-haul stretch of 21 years when I was convicted and jailed two years ago. Now they’re saying I’m going to get released? For fuck’s sake, how many policemen and old grannies do I have to kill and rape to get some serious down time? Now I’ve got to go back outside and somehow pick up my life with the laundered money I stashed away, amounting to about £1.8 million in cash. What am I going to do then, eh?”

The convicted dangerous criminal also gets twitches and urges he says that he can’t control very well.

“If I see a copper while I’m driving, I get these urges, innit. I say to myself, ‘Just one more and I’ll be done for the night,’ but I’ll stop myself and drive on.”

Well, it’s off to the Costa del Sol for the lag now that he’s being released early. Apparently he’s got a few more schemes on the go, plus his money stash is waiting for him at his plush villa.

These are truly hard times for dangerous criminals in the UK “justice” system, and it’s all thanks to that Labour MP, David Lammy fellow. Enjoy!

 

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