Comrade Starmer: “Soviet Britain Under Threat From Capitalist Enemy Trump”

Comrades, commissars, Labour Party hierarchy, Bolsheviks, apparatchiks, Big State civil servants, train drivers, Marxist union bosses, NHS managers, and the rest of the scum proletariat. Comrade Starmer was glad that he was not invited to the disgusting display of democracy at the inauguration of capitalist enemy Trump.

URGENT COMMUNIQUÉ FROM COMRADE STARMER

The People’s Soviet Republic of Britain will not capitulate to the capitalist swine Donald Trump and his aspirations of vile capitalistic money making. How dare this impudent man suggest things like aspiration and low taxes as an incentive for business growth when here in Soviet Britain Commissar Reeves is hard at work in killing all forms of aspiration, commerce and property ownership.

Every action Trump commits, Soviet Britain will vehemently oppose. We do not recognise the Gulf of America, for example.

On my orders, Commissar Laimmy has been tasked with undermining Donald Trump and his stinking Yankee capitalist pig American scum at every opportunity.

We are sending esteemed Dark Lord, Commissar Mandy to Washington whose sole job is to spy on that fat swine Trump and to persuade him through Soviet mind control techniques to side with the EU. Trump will comply with Commissar Mandy even if he tries not to, simply because no one can deny the Dark Lord Mandy of his will.

We will not capitulate, we will not fall, we will not bend to your business sense, your disgusting greedy aspirations to make money, your entrepreneurship or that other horrid Fascist Sieg Heiling grot bag Elon Musk.

We will give away the Chagos Islands to fellow Soviet nation China, and Trump cannot do anything about it. We work for China, not the capitalist democracy — the USA!

Donald Trump, you are the enemy of Soviet Britain, and we will defeat you and throw your vile capitalist carcass from the parapets of Washington D.C.

INGSOC NOTICE 143900-439972-3999383011283839291119283838292920-A

LUCY ELRIDGE, 7, OF 43 LENINSWAIDE STREET, GRIMSDALE, SECTOR 18, YORKSHIRE, WAS TODAY AWARDED 1.8 GRAMS OF EXTRA CHOCOLATE RATIONS FOR REPORTING HER MOTHER, FATHER, SISTER, BROTHER, AUNTIE AND CAT FOR TUTTING DISAPPROVINGLY DURING A BROADCAST FROM COMRADE STARMER ABOUT THE FOURTH INCREASE IN ALL TAXES FOR PROLES TO BE ENACTED NEXT WEEK. THE TREACHEROUS TRAITORS TO THE BIG STATE WERE TAKEN AWAY THIS MORNING AT 3AM. THEY WILL BE LIQUIDATED! REMEMBER COMRADES, LOOK, LISTEN, REPORT!