DIREKTIVE 23912A – SMOKING IN PUBLIC IS NOW FORBIDDEN!

Supreme Comrade Starmer of the EU UK Soviet Labour Stasi Party has today announced a new direktive that forbids any form of smoking in public. DIREKTIVE 23912A was announced forbidding smoking in public places including pub gardens, vehicles, roads, alleyways, shops, public buildings, beaches, mountains or under the sea.

DIREKTIVE 23912A – SMOKING IN PUBLIC IS NOW FORBIDDEN!

“Comrades, commissars, Bolsheviks, Stasi Thoughtpolice, and the lowly proles, today I announce another Soviet Labour Stasi Party Direktive for your own benefit. DIREKTIVE 23912A forbids anyone from smoking cigarettes/cigars/vapes or any other kind of smoking in a public place.

“Anyone caught smoking will immediately have their Choco Rations removed completely and taken away by the Labour Stasi to a Gulag somewhere in Northern England.

“Pub landlords who try to keep their pub from going under by allowing smoking will be removed forthwith and sent to a re-education centre and their public house seized by the state. The state is going to eventually seize all pubs anyway, so you should be honoured to be the first ones.

“Comrades, today I have also formed a new task force to tackle this problem. The Stasi Smoking Squad.

“In the interests of our communist nanny state, all smoking paraphernalia found in any public place will also be seized by the state.

“Citizens are encouraged to report anyone smoking to the Stasi, and if you report your friends, neighbours, teachers, pupils, workers, siblings, relatives or parents you will be awarded an increase of 3.6 grams of chocolate ration per year.”

The Daily Squib publication only has the highest praise for Stasi Britain and its Stasi Thoughtcrime Police. Hail the Labour Party and its Supreme Comrade Starmer.