Violent Prisoner Asked to Leave Prison Before Finishing PS5 Game

BELMARSH - England - A violent prisoner asked to leave prison before finishing his PS5 game has decried the new Labour scheme.

Prisons are so full that the Government is releasing thousands of criminals early and have already let off 147,000 people accused of offences including violent rape, paedophilia, armed robbery, attempted murder, murder, violence, drug offences and weapons possession. The community resolutions scheme is letting off thousands of violent and deadly criminals into Britain’s already overcrowded, crime-ridden streets. The emptying of prisons by Labour is so bad, one violent prisoner was turfed out of his cushy cell before he could finish his PS5 game.

Crime Pays

“I was playing The Last of Us II and the warden pops his fucking head round the door. He simply said that they’re clearing out from orders from upon high. I should get my kit, my drugs, my George Foreman grill, espresso machine, PS5, and virtual reality set and sling my hook. I was going to be released in 45 minutes.

“I was not happy mate, I was in the middle of the Hillcrest chapter about to take down some WLF soldiers. I got this far, and they tell me to leave? I also had a pedicure booked for 4:30, and I had a one-hour slot booked with that hot Julie, the new guard, she always drains my balls till they’re like raisins. I think I’ll celebrate being thrown out of prison by beating the living shit out of some random stranger when I get out, then frogmarching them to the cashpoint.”

Looks like the former prisoner will have to finish his game on the outside, but not before he continues committing another violent robbery or a hundred.

ADVERTISE ON THE DAILY SQUIB

Email advertising (at) dailysquib.co.uk for all your advertising needs.
  • SUPPORT THE DAILY SQUIB
  • We fight for freedom, justice, satire, and coffee.
  • Disqus Comments Loading...
    Share
    Published by

    Recent Posts

    “I WILL CARRY ON! CHAOS! I WILL CARRY ON! CHAOS! CHAOSSSSS!”

    PLANET SCUNTHORPE - KEIR DAVROS HAS MADE A DEFIANT SPEECH IN DEFENCE OF HIS RULE.

    18 hours ago

    Artificial Intelligence Emerging as a Key Competitive Advantage in Cybersecurity, New Report Finds

    GENEVA - Switzerland - Artificial intelligence is transforming the cybersecurity landscape at an unprecedented pace…

    3 days ago

    Comical Starmer Reassures Labour Party After Election Drubbing

    SCUNTHORPE - England - Comical Starmer has reassured Labour Party members that everything is okay…

    4 days ago

    LOCAL ELECTION RESULTS: “Comrades, everything is okay. Nothing has changed!”

    SCUNTHORPE - England - Comrade Starmer is defiant despite massive Labour Party losses with the…

    5 days ago

    VOTE LABOUR: “Comrades, today I am ordering you to vote for Labour”

    SCUNTHORPE - England - Supreme Comrade Starmer is ordering all citizens of the People's Republic…

    6 days ago

    We’re Giving Away 1,000 FREE Tickets on an EXCLUSIVE Hantavirus Cruise

    SOUTHAMPTON - England - The Daily Squib is giving away 1,000 free tickets on an…

    1 week ago

    This website uses cookies.