Comrade Starmer: “Things Will Get Worse Then Worsen Even More”

Supreme Comrade Starmer of the Labour EU Soviet Communist Party today revealed to the workers and proletariat that “things will get worse then worsen to even worse times than the worst you have ever experienced in your pitiful lives” and he went on to thank the proles for voting him in.

“Thank you, during the election, only 80% of the country did not vote for me, and this gave us a huge mandate to rule over you.

“Due to our allegiance to our Marxist brothers at the unions, we have now dug a fresh £20 billion black hole in the finances. Please do not worry yourselves, you will have to pay more tax than you have ever conceived in your pitiful lives. This is Soviet Labour’s gift to you.

“Comrades, commissars, workers, union members, you must now work 364 days in the year before you have paid all your taxes. As a gift to you, we have left one single day of the year when you will not pay taxes. It was out of my gracious soviet goodness that I gifted you that single day of being tax-free, so spend that day wisely.

“We have many wonderful surprises set up for you, and you will obey my orders without question or thought. When we come to take your property, your earned wealth, your assets, your cars, your homes, you will hand them over to the state gladly. These are mere burdens that you shall be glad to be freed from. Please do not worry, we will move you all into soviet housing projects which we will build all over the countryside once we bulldoze over everything and cut all the trees down and concrete over everything.

“Comrades, I have outlined what your future under the soviet stasi Labour state will be like and if you do not like it, we have a solution for that as well. If you voice your disapproval in any way on social media or elsewhere, we will have you arrested by the Thoughtcrime Police and imprisoned for an indefinite amount of time. There will be no such thing as ‘free speech’ under Labour because it results in dangerous talk and the opinions of people. Dear comrades, we do not want to hear your opinions about anything, especially how you are being oppressed by the big Labour boot of tyranny and despotism. On this note, I bid you fuck off until next time. Remember, things will get worse than you have had nightmares about.”

The Daily Squib publication only has the highest praise for Stasi Britain and its Stasi Thoughtcrime Police. Hail the Labour Party and its Supreme Comrade Starmer.