Labour Plan to Have Speakers and Listening Devices on Every Lamp Post

The public will be lectured on “motivational” socialist principles, and Labour diktats every day of their lives, a newly published manifesto paper has revealed. Speakers and microphones will be installed in every lamp post in the UK proposed by the innovative Labour plan.

Much like the Mayor of London, Sadiq Khan’s pet surveillance project, ULEZ, where every vehicle is tracked and charged in London, the proposed Labour “Listen and Speak” scheme will ensure that citizens are daily indoctrinated in soviet ideology and microphones will listen for any form of dissent against the ruling regime once it gains power in the coming election.

LISTEN AND SPEAK

Upon hearing of the Labour plans, one citizen voiced his distaste of such a scheme coming into fruition.

“If I want to live in fucking North Korea, I’ll go and live there. Imagine walking down the street and being forced to listen to the irritating nasal droning from Comrade Starmer every fucking day of your life, listening to his awful grinding punishing nasal voice telling you how to think, what to do, where to go, I’d fucking top myself.”

Along with daily lectures on the greatness of Labour socialist schemes, citizens will be indoctrinated in EU values and other communist rhetoric.

If people are seen to be wearing headphones whilst walking in the streets, they will be told to take the device off from their heads, or if they are Bluetooth headphones, the Labour “Listen and Speak” system will hijack the Bluetooth headphones to force the citizen to listen to the latest soviet Labour messages being broadcast.

Along with speakers installed on every lamp post, the Labour plan is to also install powerful microphones that will monitor each citizen’s speech. The listening devices will be powered by AI and will alert the Labour Stasi authorities if any citizen speaks adversely about the Labour regime at any time or says any word that is forbidden by woke programmers who have infiltrated the English language.

“If someone says any forbidden words or speaks badly about the Labour soviet system, the AI system will identify the offender, who will then be removed from their home in the early hours of the morning. These offending individuals will then be sent to an EU sanctioned re-education centre and reprogrammed to love the Labour EU State.,” a jubilant Labour spokesman revealed on Thursday.

Comrade Starmer pronounced the scheme as a measure to “safeguard and ensure the safety of every British citizen” and a way to uphold “the beloved EU rules which Labour is dedicated to rejoining”.