Sadiq Khan Congratulates London Being Twinned With Port-au-Prince, Haiti

It’s official, Mayor of London, Sadiq Khan will today proudly celebrate the capital city of Britain London being twinned with Port-au-Prince, Haiti.

“I am so proud of the machete crime in London. Daily I read the reports of thousands of knife crime incidents and the gangs terrorising ordinary citizens, it’s brilliant, there is now literally no difference between London and Haiti,” the Mayor of London Khan said on Thursday.

It could be now illegal for criminals and gang members who are predominantly blacks committing the butchery to not carry machetes and zombie knives. For fear of being called racist and forbidden to stop crime by Sadiq Khan, the police are now impotent.

Inspector Unte revealed that it is “better to do paperwork in the office” than stop crime.

“We see the statistics and crime data every day from our offices. This is awful and horrific. My officers are really scared about the stuff we read about. Just yesterday I was in the video monitoring room and witnessed a horrendous crime by a rabid pack of machete carrying blacks robbing a pregnant white woman in Tottenham High Street. Of course, we could not do anything because it would be racist to intervene. Hey Julie, can I have another cup of tea and some scones, thanks?”