Fly Sunak Airways One Way to Rwanda

Eager for election, unelected autocrat Rishi Sunak has unveiled ‘Sunak Airways’ where illegal immigrants who crossed the Channel in rubber dinghies will be given a one-way ticket to Rwanda at a cost of £1.8 million per immigrant. Fly Sunak Airways One Way to Rwanda – is the new slogan.

In a move that left many scratching their heads and others rolling on the floor laughing, the UK government’s plan to tackle immigration: shipping illegal immigrants off to Rwanda at the bargain price of £1.8 million per ticket could cost over £4.8 billion all together. Yes, you heard that right. For the low, low cost of a small fortune, you too can send your unwanted migrants on a one-way trip to the heart of Africa.

Fly Sunak Airways One Way to Rwanda

In what can only be described as a stroke of bureaucratic genius or a Monty Python sketch gone awry, Tory officials have touted this as the solution to all of Britain’s immigration woes. Forget border patrols, forget detention centres, forget about actually stopping the blasted boats crossing the Channel.

The Daily Squib even suggested the boats should be towed back to France, but that was summarily ignored, because it would take actual guts and a pair of swinging bollocks to achieve.

Now, you might be wondering what exactly does Rwanda have to do with all of this? Well, apparently someone in Whitehall looked at a map, closed their eyes, and pointed to a random country, and Rwanda was the lucky winner. But fear not, dear taxpayers, because the government assures us that Rwanda is a perfectly lovely destination. I mean, who wouldn’t want to trade dreary crime-ridden shithole London, or a 5-star luxury hotel room in Mayfair for the lush jungles of Rwanda, right?

Imagine what someone could do with £1.8 million?

In a press conference that left journalists struggling to stifle their laughter, Home Secretary James Cleverly defended the plan, declaring, “This is a bold and innovative solution to a complex problem. Besides, have you seen the views in Rwanda? Simply breathtaking!”

Meanwhile, the residents of Rwanda are scratching their heads, wondering why they’re suddenly being inundated with a flood of confused illegal migrants wearing shell suits and complaining about the lack of 5-star hotel treatment and free money to spend on young English prostitutes.

The House of Lords have passed the bill, now it’s up to the ECHR and UN courts to thwart the deal.