COVID-19 Infected Health Minister: “There is nothing to see here, everything is perfectly fine!”

Health Minister, Nadine Dorries, who never wore a proper N95 mask, has reassured the hundreds of other MPs and government workers she may have infected with the deadly COVID-19 virus that ‘everything is okay, and there is nothing to worry about’.

Dorries, 62, a former nurse, attended a Downing Street event hosted by the prime minister last Thursday and mingled with hundreds of MPs, and the PM himself whilst suffering from the deadly airborne pathogen.

“Please carry on as if everything is normal, there is no need to worry, simply wash your hands as this will prevent the airborne virus from going in your nose, mouth and eyes.,” Ms Dorries said coughing violently into a bucket.

The advice from government is that full face masks are useless against the virus, and all one needs to do is to first have a cup of tea, and then wash your hands, thus keeping you totally safe from the virus in the air.

“If in doubt, first have a cup of tea, stiffen the lip, and wash your hands with soap,” one minister who is probably infected told the public.

Due to the importance of keeping the economy going over the health of the British public, super spreaders like children in crowded schools will be allowed to spread the COVID-19 virus far and wide infecting millions on public transport.

“We will not close schools because the economy is more important than spreading the fatal virus further into the British population,” another minister quipped coughing harshly into the face of a reporter.