BEYOND SATIRE: Coronavirus Conference Cancelled Due to Coronavirus

Sometimes we have gems served up to us at the Squib out of nowhere, with satirical titles that WE SHOULD HAVE THOUGHT OF FIRST! The above headline ‘Coronavirus Conference Cancelled Due to Coronavirus’ was deemed beyond satire.

Today, we fired one of our writers because he did not come up with the title himself. He is now unemployed, and relaxing under Waterloo bridge in a cardboard box (where all Squib satirists go after retirement) — such are the benefits of a satirist. We don’t give millions of pounds in golden handshakes like banking corporations for failure, penniless satirists are just thrown the fuck out without a penny to their name, and that’s the brittle end of the shit stick.

This satirical headline was spotted in of all places — the Daily Mail, a newspaper that is so over the top that it is extremely hard to satirise because it is beyond the pale of satire itself (especially the ‘sidebar of shame‘ on the right). Things have somewhat tempered since the ejection of Dacre.

Excerpt:

Coronavirus conference is canceled due to… Coronavirus

A conference to discuss the impact of coronavirus on business in the US has been cancelled – because of a sudden rise in infections in New York.

The roundtable, called Doing Business Under Coronavirus, was canned after 173 cases of the infection were confirmed in the east coast city, where the conference was supposed to be held on Friday.

BONUS BEYOND SATIRE HEADLINE – ‘Islamic Scholar Who Said Coronavirus Was “Allah’s Punishment” Gets Coronavirus’

A prominent Iraqi Shia scholar has been diagnosed with the novel coronavirus, his office confirmed earlier this week. SOURCE

If any other Beyond Satire headlines or stories are discovered by a reader, please send in the incriminating evidence to : editorial (at) www.dailysquib.co.uk and you will get a mention.