Juncker Planning Trip to Moon 124 Billion Euros One Way

Here is a guy who does not mind spending 500,000 euros in two months of travel, so the trip to the moon should be no problem.

“The Commission never pays for anything, it is the EU taxpayer that foots the bill. Therefore, I am fully justified to travel to the moon if I so do wish,” the EU president, Jean Claude Juncker told Euronews.

The European Space Agency have already crafted a luxury space vehicle for Juncker and his assorted hangers on.

Michele Poisson, chief engineer for the project revealed some of the intricacies of the moon trip:

“We have designed the perfect craft for Mr. Juncker and the many young ladies who will accompany him on the EU mission. In the dining area, the best French chefs will prepare the finest cuisine for the trip, and we have of course the bar area, where the collection of finest cognac will be filtered into Juncker’s space suit via a large tube. Once through the Van Allen Belt, the drunkard Juncker will be given coordinates to the moon but if he punches the wrong digits, this could mean a trip to Mars instead, Ooh la la, we do not want such things, mes amis, instead maybe I should programme an automatic flight so our president can enjoy the lovely fruits of the jeune folies and his booze in peace.”

Whilst the president is away, the EU will be run by one of the faceless unelected eurocrats, and it will make no difference any way, as Juncker barely does any work when he is on earth, let alone on a spacecraft to the moon.

Landing on the moon is scheduled for Mid September, and once on the surface, a luxury pod will be built by some Romanian builders who will be also transported to the surface in a separate craft.

“The oxygen supply is limited, and Mr. Juncker is very flatulent so we do worry about the build-up of methane. Hopefully the oxygen will not run out and they all suffocate to death, this would be an absolute tragedy, not only for the EU, but the cognac business,” Mr. Poisson added.