Labour Now Blames Diego Maradona and the “Hand of God” for Tax Rises

Apart from blaming the Battle of Hastings in 1066, and the War of the Roses from 1455-1487, for the huge upcoming tax rises to try and fix the mess that the incompetent lunatic anti-capitalist Rachel Reeves created, Labour ministers are now scrambling to blame footballer Diego Maradona and his “hand of god” goal in the 1986 World Cup which saw Argentina beat England.

“Under no circumstances will we blame Rachel Reeves for her huge punitive tax and reckless spend budgets which stifled the economy and stopped growth dead in its tracks. If we hear any Labour minister telling the truth, they’re on the bench,” a scared looking Labour politician yelped as he hid in a parliament toilet.

According to one Labour politician, when Diego Maradona scored that “hand of god” goal, it was a defining moment that precipitated the huge increase in taxes Reeves will dole out in her Nightmare Before Christmas Budget.

“It was that Diego bloke werntit — he’s the one to blame, innit. Hand of God, 1986, bloody mess. Now we have to put your taxes up because of him. Nothing to do with us or anything. Blame Maradona!”