Episodes of Woke Star Wars Series The Acolyte Used For Interrogation

Forget about waterboarding, or having your teeth pulled out without anaesthetic, the first and only season of woke Star Wars series The Acolyte could be utilised by multiple intelligence agencies who need to extract information from terrorists and foreign spies.

A spokesman for an intelligence agency situated in South East Asia, who did not wish to be named, disclosed that The Acolyte is so bad and cringeworthy to watch that some captured spies actually preferred to have their fingernails pulled out with pliers.

“Extracting information can be a tiresome but necessary affair, however with The Acolyte, it is easier than we thought. We simply put the person in front of a screen and have their eyes taped open so they cannot shut them. They have to watch the entire series of The Acolyte in one sitting, but many do not make it past the third episode.”

The Acolyte is a very effective method for making spies crack and spill the beans, and many other agencies are now looking to use this method for their interrogation processes.

“You want to see people practically crawling up the walls and pulling their hair out and begging to give you the information that you need? Use The Acolyte. It is the most effective method we have found yet, although some say it is too intensive a form of torture for information extraction. Some of the people we interrogate with this method are severely affected with PTSD, and some have even gone into a state of coma, or shaking uncontrollably after watching just one episode. We want to thank the woke pissants who created this $180 million monstrosity. The worst blood-curdling acting from the likes of woke diversity pick Amandla Stenberg, a racist piece of shit. Deluded morons Leslye Headland and Kathleen Turner. It’s a work of horrific, cringeworthy grotesque wokery that not only killed off Star Wars but kills actual brain cells in people who are forced to watch it.”

Thanks to The Acolyte interrogation rooms are now efficient information extraction zones where even the most hardened espionage participant cracks within minutes.

The Acolyte received an 18% audience score on Rotten Tomatoes despite paid industry reviewers giving it a 78% score. Even though the production cost $180 million (not including marketing budget of $56 million) it has only managed to recoup $24 million in costs so far.

There will not be a second series, and hopefully we will never see the cast members (apart from Carrie-Anne Moss) and producers ever again.