The Don: “I Was Never Rude to the Queen”

Donald J. Trump has emphatically denied he was rude to the Queen when he met her during his presidency.

The new biography of the late monarch claims that Queen Elizabeth II found Donald Trump ‘very rude’.

The Queen hosted the US president twice during her incredible reign and is said to have ‘particularly disliked’ the way Trump sat on her shoulders ‘whooping like a cowboy and shouting giddy up at the top of his voice’.

The Don today emphatically denied he was being rude, and said he was just ‘bored out of his fucking mind’ because of all that ‘British pomp and circumstance stuff’.

“The fake news again…to tell you the truth, believe me, I get bored easy. Like the late great Queen was showing me this old painting or something. She was worth a lot of money, like millions and billions. So I picked my nose a few times, and even farted. No disrespect to the incredible Queen, what a special lady she was. We had a tremendous time there, I remember it like it was yesterday, I took a running jump and landed on her shoulders. What a strong lady she was…real classy. She not only carried the weight of the British people but me as well. Sure, we giddy upped around a little but look at it from my point of view, I gotta have fun sometimes, it ain’t all work, work. I even offered her a game of golf, but she just looked at me in silence. What a tremendous, incredible Queen she was to me. I am confident that I was her best guest ever, like throughout her rule as Queen, what a tremendous great lady. Meeting me was the best time she had in 25 years, and it was tremendous…incredible!”

Buckingham Palace has not commented on the claim as they do not, by convention, comment on such things.

Will this news put a dent in Trump’s re-election chances?