Morrissey to Play Concert in Falklands

Speaking from Buenes Aires where the star is feted as a hero, Mr Morrissey said that he was delighted to be playing at the Falkland Islands: “Heaven knows I’m miserable now, I’ve been booked to warble on a cold dank rock somewhere in the South Pacific.”

The series of concerts will include such delights as: Irish Blood, Argie Heart, Buenes Aires Dave, and Galtieri in a Coma.

“We’re sold out on the Falkland Isles, they’ll be coming from miles to hear Morrissey. The penguins absolutely adore him, and we’ve heard that instead of throwing guitar picks into the audience, the band will be throwing sardines,” Morrissey’s accountant, Celia Bet, told Melody Maker magazine.