Chelsea Flower Show

I sneeze as I walk through the gates of the world renowned Chelsea Flower Show. Unexpectedly a piece of phlegm lands on an old ladies hat and dribbles down her tweed overcoat. This is my first ever assignment at a Flower Show and even though I am heavily affected by hayfever I am glad to have been given this reportage job for the Squib.

What a wonderful opportunity to view some amazing English gardens. The colours of the rainbow could not describe the myriad of flavours that attack my visual and nasal palate. We have rotten vegetables over there, bin bags overflowing with rubbish over here, and even an old mattress abandoned amongst the nettles up on yonder.

A positively astounding panoply of crisp packets and pizza cartons amongst the weeds. I see across the border in Row A there is even an old cat carcass which seems to be striking a pose in its skeletal state alongside the used condoms.

Again I sneeze as the fumes of rancid beer and fat from a rusty frying pan hits me like a ten tonne lorry. It is not that I am unused to the smell because I am an Englishman after all but this time the odour of rotten eggs is reminiscent of the sulfur farts from Beelzebub’s bumgut.

I am of course describing the winner for this year, the flamboyant character Robert Maxwell’s wonderful display. It seems the bin men have not been here for weeks and the flies that infest the area are truly magnificent. A true English masterpiece and well worth the entry fee. I would advise everyone to see the show this year.

Robert Maxwell Design/Mirror Landscapes

Persrectum

Designer: Robert Maxwell Design

Sponsors: Robert Maxwell Design, Mirror Group Landscapes

Contractor: Mirror Group Landscapes

Contemporary materials make up this multi-layered installation.
Perspex walls become temporarily obscured by urine and acid rain, effluent or lard, so
altering the viewer’s perception of the scheme. The Zen-like forms and
meticulously finished structures of the garden are linked by a green patch wasteland of thistle. A single charred tree and a soiled purple sofa from Argos add a
naturalistic touch to the planting.

Designer Robert Maxwell sees outside spaces as 3-D canvases and
believes his work would not look out of place in any British town or city. He
has created 21 RHS show gardens over the last 10 years, pushing the
boundaries of garden design, and considers himself a landscape artist.
This is Robert’s first time at Chelsea, and with his pink spiky hair,
yellow glamoflage spandex trousers and brightly coloured nails this Liverpudlian
designer really is at home here at the Chelsea Flower Show.