Jobseekers Need to Sign On Every 32 Seconds Says Duncan Smith

Anyone who receives jobseekers allowance will have to sign on at their local job centre every 32 seconds. There will be timers on desks and also clocks on every wall ticking away with audio chimes every 32 seconds in a 24 hour period.

If jobseekers do not keep to the timing schedule they will be punished by having their benefits docked for a six month period. If the discrepancies in time keeping continue then all benefits will be stopped and they will be given a zero hour contract job whether they like it or not.

Mr Duncan Smith’s department have also been busy recruiting extra staff and time keepers to oversee the massive operation.

One jobseeker from Frantingham Barley in Yorkshire was incandescent about the new scheme which is called ‘123 Go!”

“I live 10 miles away from my nearest job centre, this means I’ll have to spend money on a sleeping bag, running shoes and a stop watch. I can’t afford food or a bus fare. A pox on you Smith.”