Comrades! Pigeons are Symbols of Vile Capitalist Democracy!

This is an emergency communiqué to all citizens of the People’s Republic of Soviet Britain – Pigeons! Yes, comrades, these creatures are hateful symbols of dangerous Colonial, Imperialistic, Capitalist, Democratic ideologies that harm and threaten our socialist principles as the country transitions from hard-left socialism to communism. In this time of change and transition, any citizen found feeding, looking at, or speaking of pigeons will be arrested on the spot by Stasi enforcement officers and agents.

Comrade Starmer and the Labour Party will not tolerate any fraternising with pigeons. You will be arrested and transported to a Gulag in the north and liquidated. Net Zero Juice is the byproduct of many citizens who did not abide by our Soviet rules.

WEEKLY BULLETIN

JANICE MULRONEY, 32, OF TROTSKY AVENUE, HARROW, HAS BEEN AWARDED AN INCREASE OF 0.0034 GRAMS OF SALT RATIONS FOR THREE MONTHS, AND A BOX OF TRIPLE USED TOILET PAPER. SHE REPORTED HER 6-YEAR-OLD DAUGHTER, 8-YEAR-OLD SON AND THEIR 7-YEAR-OLD FRIEND FOR FEEDING A WOUNDED PIGEON WITH PIECES OF BREAD. THEY WERE TAKEN AWAY IN THE EARLY HOURS OF SUNDAY MORNING AND LIQUIDATED, THEN PROCESSED INTO NET ZERO JUICE. REMEMBER COMRADES, LOOK, LISTEN AND REPORT!