Commissar Reeves: “Comrades, it is one rule for me, and another rule for you!”

Comrades, I have been caught illegally acquiring thousands of pounds per month by renting out my property while flouting the laws made by the Labour council, Southwark. This is nothing to worry about on my part because I am a member of the High Party, and I am exempt from any laws that you proles have to abide by. Furthermore, Southwark Council is a Labour council and even though they severely punish others for flouting the same laws as I did, they have not actioned any punitive measures against me. Thank Lenin, Labour revels in corruption and sleaze and the hierarchy is immune to prosecution.

I was warned by two different estate agents that I needed a rental licence, but I ignored them, and lied about my knowledge of needing a licence, much like I lied on my CV, but that’s neither here nor there. I am entitled to two tier preferential treatment, and everyone else is not.

Former comrade, Commissar Rayner however was an exception to our state of immunity as she blatantly went too far by trying to swindle £40,000 tax payments that would have gone to the Labour Big State. She was liquidated not only for that reason, but she also posed a threat to our party leadership and actively attempted a coup against Comrade Starmer, the supreme leader of the People’s Republic of Soviet Britain. For that reason alone, she had to be liquidated and processed into Net Zero Juice — that cool refreshing drink, available from all soviet shop outlets.

I will continue to make £3,200 rental income from my property, which I rent out to one of the few remaining bourgeoisie capitalist scum left in the PRSB.

None of this is your business of course, so fuck off back to your grey brutalist concrete prisons so you can shiver in the freezing cold and wait for my Nightmare Before Christmas budget, where I will fleece you fucking cunts of every fucking penny you have. In fact, your punishment will be so severe, I am feeling a swelling in my vulva right now…Ooh!

PEOPLE’S REPUBLIC OF SOVIET BRITAIN BULLETIN

RANJIT BUNGAWALA, 48, FROM DULWICH, SOUTHWARK HAS BEEN AWARDED AN INCREASE IN SUGAR RATIONS OF UP TO 0.0001 GRAMS, SIX BOXES OF USED TOILET PAPER AND TWELVE USED CONDOMS AFTER HE REPORTED HIS EIGHTH COUSIN, HIS UNCLE, HIS WIFE/SISTER, AND FOURTEEN BROTHERS FOR NOT PAYING THE £900 LICENCE FOR RENTING OUT EACH OF THEIR PROPERTIES THUS ACQUIRING RENTAL INCOME ILLEGALLY. THE LICENCES ARE REQUIRED TO PROVE PROPERTIES ARE FIT FOR PURPOSE; TENANCY AGREEMENTS AND SAFETY CERTIFICATES ARE IN ORDER. THE OFFENCE IS USUALLY PUNISHABLE WITH AN UNLIMITED FINE OR AN ORDER FOR THE LANDLORD TO PAY BACK UP TO 12 MONTHS RENT. BECAUSE OF THE MAGNITUDE OF THE OFFENCES COMMITTED BY THESE INDIVIDUALS, THEY WERE TAKEN AWAY IN THE EARLY HOURS OF THURSDAY MORNING AND PROCESSED INTO NET ZERO JUICE — THAT COOL, REFRESHING DRINK! AVAILABLE NOW IN ALL PRSB STORES FOR ONLY 15P A PINT.