The King Has “Accidentally” Executed the Mayor of London

What was supposed to be a routine knighting ceremony for the Mayor of London Sadiq Khan turned out to be a rather messy experience for King Charles III, as he partially beheaded the mayor instead.

“There were cheers all around as the mayor’s jugular was severed and his head partially sort of fell orf,” one of the palace courtiers remarked.

It’s a bit of a hit-and-miss business this knighting stuff, but one gets by, and today King Charles was on his 15th knighting, and it was all getting a bit too much.

Hanging by a few remaining sinews, the head was swiftly and cleanly dispatched by the king, because he likes things to be done in a somewhat proper manner.

Sadiq Khan’s head will be displayed at Traitor’s Gate at the Tower of London for a week, then it will be displayed on a pike at Tower Hill until the flies get too bothersome. The Mayor of London will be remembered as the person who brought vast levels of crime and misery to the capital city.

Tourists are urged to book tickets in earnest while the head is still fresh at the Tower of London.