Trump Invited to Become Next Labour Chancellor of the Exchequer

Labour ministers have been looking and watching the carnage meted on the world markets by Donald Trump’s ego, and are loving it.

“What Trump is doing pisses on Rachel Reeves and the destruction she has done to the UK economy. Fuck Rachel from accounts, we want Donald Trump to join Labour to really cause some destruction on our economy,” Keir Starmer revealed at PMQs in the House of Commons today.

The global stock markets have lost in excess of 3.5 trillion dollars since Donald Slump decided to start sticking tariffs on every Tom Dick and Harry nation.

Some people have seen their entire savings erased in one day, and retirement funds for many people now amount to pretty much nothing.

As for crypto? That’s now a distant memory, a forgotten dream in the digital annals of blockchain purgatory.