Trump: “Don’t call me a flip-flopper. I don’t wear flip-flops!”

President Donald Trump has emphatically denied that he is a “flip-flopper” or even wears flip-flops, even on the beach.

One minute it’s invading Panama, the next minute it’s annexing Canada, maybe bulldozing Gaza, and the minute after that it’s taking over Greenland. The Don may insult some foreign official one minute, and the next dismiss what he said, pretending he never said it.

“I hate flip-flops, like, if I see someone wearing a pair of flip-flops I get all crazy and start flipping and a flopping all over the floor in flip-flop rage. I told Barron, I said, take those goddamn flip-flops off. He told me he’s going to the beach. I said you gotta wear sandals. Like Jesus wore sandals, even when he was walking on water. If sandals were good for Jesus, they’re good for you too! I just won’t tolerate it. No flip-flops! Send me another Diet Coke, actually, no, send me a Diet Fanta, ahh, hold that I’m not thirsty now!”