Miliband Issues Net Zero Guidelines For WW3 Combat

Because Net Zero is going to cost UK taxpayers £390 billion, Ed Miliband has issued strict Net Zero guidelines for the military to shoot only one bullet every 15 minutes and maybe fire one missile at the enemy once every two days.

“Carbon emission guidelines for the military will dictate what they can and can’t do in combat situations, for example instead of two fighter jets taking off only one jet will be permitted to take off once a week,” Miliband revealed in the House of Commons on Wednesday.

Unfortunately for the British army, the enemy will probably not follow the Net Zero guidelines and will be unloading everything they have onto our soldiers at speed.

Miliband reassured the top brass of the MoD that asking the enemy nicely to adhere to Net Zero rules will assure everyone is compliant to the environmental emission target rules set out by his department.

“Yes, when they’re attacking or prior to the attack, we need to ask the enemy politely to make sure they are using heat pumps and that their tanks are Euro 4 compliant for ULEZ  charges. The Russian invading force must comply with Net Zero guidelines, or we may be forced to fine them.”