Comrades, We Are Being Threatened by a Capitalist Swine Called Elon Musk

The People’s Soviet Republic of Britain and Supreme Comrade Starmer are staying vigilant after being attacked with threats from the capitalist swine Elon Musk from the USA.

Today, Comrade Starmer responded to the threats from his dacha.

“Comrades, commissars, Bolsheviks, apparatchiks, working people, cash cows, train drivers, civil servants of the Big Soviet State, Stasi Thoughtcrime Police. Today I address you from my dacha. I have taken a few days off to avoid any questions about this ridiculous call for some kind of enquiry about child abuse. Let me tell you, I do not have to answer questions to anyone about anything, especially from a filthy capitalist swine. The terrible things that I and the Labour government are covering up will stay covered up. This is the soviet communist way, and if you don’t like it, we will take away your choco rations.

“Comrades, we are being attacked by vile capitalists from the Imperialist USA, a terrible place where they actually believe in democracy, freedom, private business, aspiration, personal wealth, justice and free speech. These attacks are being led by the despicable capitalist far-right fascist stooge called Elon Musk.

“The abominable Elon Musk is trying to force the Labour Communist Party to open an enquiry dealing with issues that happened many, many years ago. This stupid man does not realise that in communist states, everyone is deemed as equal, even rapists and paedophiles, especially if they are ethnic. We will protect those people, particularly because of their ethnicity. Under communism, we make extra provisions to champion equality in diversity and inclusivity.

“Furthermore, any enquiry would threaten my leadership because it would delve into my conduct when I covered up the cover-up during the cover-up. This very conversation will be erased from all records and covered up and shredded.

“I am not bothered by you, Elon Musk, you despicable capitalist swine. Why don’t you take a trip to Mars where you belong, you entrepreneurial nincompoop! Now, please excuse me, I have to conduct another cover-up of child abuse by a protected ethnic group.”

INGSOC NOTICE – 211110111110-9WT-00097856400000-A-12229292929292929

JANE DOE, 21, OF ROCHDALE, SECTOR 32, WHO REPORTED THAT SHE WAS REPEATEDLY RAPED BY GANGS OF MEN FROM AN UNMENTIONABLE ETHNIC GROUP WHEN SHE WAS 12-YEARS OLD, WAS TODAY TAKEN AWAY AND SHUT UP. ANYONE WHO DARES TO THREATEN OUR WONDERFUL DIVERSITY WILL BE ERASED AND CANCELLED. IN OLDHAM, A GROOMING GANG WAS TODAY COMMENDED FOR THEIR WORK IN DIVERSITY BY RAPING A DIVERSE AMOUNT OF CHILDREN VARYING FROM THE AGES OF 9-15.