Trump Reveals New Golf Cart

After the assassination attempt of Donald Trump at one of his golf courses, the former president has taken it upon himself to upgrade his golf cart. He revealed the new “Don’t Fuck With Me Foo'” golf cart to the waiting press on Tuesday at his Florida golf course.

“Look at the tremendous guns all pointing out here. This is a tremendous addition to my golf course because frankly I can’t depend on the Secret Service anymore. This monster can go at 80 MPH, and has inbuilt jammers, a radar system, missile launchers, guns and more guns! Tremendous! I’m gonna call it the Albatross!”

According to the Trump golf team, the buggy costs a whopping $7.4 million, but it’s worth every cent according to The Don.

“Sheesh! That’s one afternoon of Melania shopping. It’s like a drop in the ocean cost wise. I get to blow away any son of a bitch who dares even come near my swing. That’s priceless in my view!”

Weighing in at 8 tonnes, the monster golf cart will probably tear up the golf course too, but with two or three assassination attempts per week, what the hell, fuck the turf. The suspension can withstand any terrain and would be at home for golfing trips to Afghanistan.