Don’t Mention the Stabbings

Knife crime and rampant stabbings amongst an unnameable and protected section of the population is so widespread that many do not talk about it anymore.

“We cannot disclose the people who are carrying out these stabbings with machetes and zombie knives. It is best to ignore why these crimes occur, and to stop talking about it. Because of the unnameable protected people who are stabbing everyone, including unnameable sections of school kids, we are turning a blind eye to their entitled violent crime sprees. Just pay your ULEZ charge and shut up,” London Labour mayor, Sadiq Khan, who could not reveal who the perpetrators of the crimes were, said, shrugging his shoulders.

The crime is so widespread that seeing people getting stabbed is now a normal occurrence, routinely ignored by many. Stabbings are even celebrated during the Notting Hill Carnival, which takes place every year.

“We get stabbings by an unnameable section of the community daily here in the neighbourhood. It’s just a case of stepping over the twitching body as they bleed out. Eventually, maybe after a few hours, someone might phone the police, so they can clean up the mess. The pavements here are littered with blood splatters, it’s a bloody disgrace but what can you do?” a resident of Croydon, South London revealed.

Do not mention it, do not do anything apart from ignore it, and maybe one day the police and another mayor will actually do something.