Industry of Human Rights Lawyers Threaten Strike if Illegal Channel Migrants Stop

There has been outrage and condemnation of the proposed new law from Home Secretary Suella Braverman to send illegal economic migrants trafficked across the English Channel back to where they came from. Human rights lawyers who have amassed massive fortunes by using government legal aid are now threatening to strike.

“This is an outrage, I just bought my third Maserati only yesterday. Who the hell am I going to parasite myself off from now? Do you think I fucking care about these Albanians, or whoever they are? When I see another overfull dinghy coming over the Channel, my already overflowing bank account dings, and my mouth starts watering,” a lawyer for law firm Pillage & Plunder revealed in the Guardian.

Whenever another dinghy is escorted to shore in Dover, crowds of human rights lawyers immediately accost the illegal migrants all baying for business, before the migrants are bussed off to a four-star hotel to stay in luxury and fast-tracked to be UK citizens without any checks.

“We are treated like kings. I have two lawyers working for me, and the five-star hotel is luxurious. I have breakfast, then maybe a sauna before a gourmet lunch. Not only that, but I then saunter into town to try and groom some underage schoolgirls to come to my room. Because of my protected status, I am untouchable and can commit any heinous crime without prosecution, especially with my trusty team of human rights lawyers working for me. Excuse me, ah, it’s time for me to go and find some young English pussy to mistreat,” a man who looks like he is 35-years-old but told authorities he is a 9-year-old child, revealed from his luxury migrant hotel.