Prince Harry: “I Might be Drugged Up During Charles Coronation”

Having admitted to doing copious amounts of marijuana, cocaine, ayahuasca, LSD and alcohol, in his book Spare, Prince Harry may have to take the entire lot just to get through the King’s coronation ceremony in May.

“Hey man, gimme a break man. Tee, hee, hee! (sniffs nose hard) They’ll have to scrape me off the ceiling of the Westminster Abbey and shit. I’ll be high as a kite man, just floating in wonderland as they crown pops. Hell, I may even wave down on the folks down there as they point up and look at me floating in the breeze man. Fuckin’ A, some tabs here, some lines there, some bong hits and maybe a cup or two of ayahuasca…chill out man, party on dudes, it’s gonna be a freaky moment in acid heaven, I may even meet Jesus right there in the church and shiet!”

During his days at Mahiki, Harry would compete with his toff friends on how many expensive cocktails they could snort up their noses through a straw on the taxpayers dime. Along with the heavy use of Class A drugs, sometimes going back to school on a Sunday night was a hard burn, especially if the dealer was not taken care of adequately.

“It’s all about therapy man, it makes me feel better because I am so drugged up I don’t even know where I am or what my name is. I get all schizo, and paranoid there are paparazzi hiding everywhere including the ashtray man…shit! When I was in those Apaches over Afghanistan, I sometimes thought I had angels wings ‘n’ shiet! Blasting away those Mujs and towel heads like they were fairground coconuts. Beautiful times! Especially while on drugs and untouchable. I can get away with anything I do.”