Poll: Bring Back Death Penalty But Only if It’s By the Axe

As Tory deputy chairman, Lee Anderson supports the return of the death penalty, a new poll of 1,500 people reveals that many only back the return of capital punishment if the heads of criminals are chopped off by an executioner with an axe.

Asked why the axe was so popular, a spokesman for the MOROSE Poll revealed that it was all about the extravaganza of a good beheading.

“People would like to make a day out of it. Also, hanging is rather boring, they wriggle around a bit and that’s it. With a good axe beheading, we would get people travelling all the way from John O’Groats to Land’s End to see someone’s head chopped off and fall into a basket.”

Historian, Professor Eggsie Kutioner, at Scunthorpe University was intrigued by the new poll findings.

“This new polling discovery sort of confirms the fantastic nature of British history. A good decent beheading has been in our culture for centuries and is a firm part of our heritage. Bringing back the axe beheading executions would be a wonderful affirmation to our historical and modern standing.”

Terrorists, spies, murderers and citizens who commit High Treason would be possibly given the chop if convicted. There are, however, no calls to bring back the stocks.

The death penalty for murder in the UK was permanently abolished in 1965, while it ended for all crimes in 1998.