Joe Biden’s State of the Bunion Address

“The bunions are bad, man! You try putting on a shoe with those things! It’s like having a $32 trillion deficit right there on the side of your big toe! Gimme a break, man!” Joe Biden said during his State of the Bunion Address.

“Here’s to 2024 when I pit my bunion against Trump’s smaller bunion. You see, mine has grown to develop over many decades and is hard as a fuckin’ rock. As for my haemorrhoids…”

The applause filled the room, some Democrats even took off their own shoes and waved their bunions at Joe Biden in delight.

“You see folks, when I’m in Delaware the first thing I do is take off my shoes because the state of my bunions really smarts. I then ask Jill to bring over that Top Secret Burisma documentation I kinda borrowed. I’m the ‘Big Guy’ or the ‘Big Bunion’ with the ill-gotten gains, and Hunter better get me my 10%…Shushhh!”

Hunter Biden is present and whoops with enthusiasm as his dad mentions his name. He then agitatedly stoops down and picks up a small glass pipe, as he lights a crack rock on a bottle he inhales the smoke and his smile just gets bigger and bigger.

“Thank you, thank you. We want zero carbon emissions and that means if you’re a carbon life form then I’m afraid you gotta go. Sorry, folks, but that’s what Carbon Zero means. So when the time comes, just remember old Uncle Joe and his bunions, ’cause you’ll be sleeping with the onions…hee, hee, hee!”