World

BREAKING: Eco Zealot Loses Entire Arm After Gluing Self to Ferrari

LONDON - England - An eco zealot Just Stop Oil activist superglued his arm to a top of the range Ferrari.

Benjamin Barthon-Welles, 22, from Islington, North London, lost his left arm today after supergluing himself to a Ferrari SF90 Stradale. With a top speed of 211 MPH, the Stradale is one of the fastest road cars in the world.

Eyewitness Giuseppe Stromboli saw the tragedy unfold in front of his very own eyes.

“He superglued his arm to the back of the car. This Arab dude got in but did not notice the Just Stop Oil eco zealot. The SF90 Stradale can go from 0-100 MPH in 4.5 seconds. The poor guy didn’t have a chance, innit. I heard a crack sound, then whoosh the Ferrari was gone. All there was left was this poor sod standing there with blood shooting out of the socket. I called the ambulance, and they came quickly in a few hours.”

The terrible incident happened just outside Harrods in Kensington, West London. The man was rushed to hospital, but medics are still trying to locate his arm, which is still stuck to the Ferrari.

“His arm could be anywhere by now. It could be halfway to Turin for all we know,” a medic on the scene revealed.

Police do not advise anyone to superglue their body parts to anything, especially fast moving objects.

Do you value freedom?

SUPPORT THE DAILY SQUIB We fight for freedom, justice, satire and coffee.
  • First they came for the Satirists
  • And I did not speak out
  • Then they came for the...
  • Disqus Comments Loading...
    Share
    Published by

    Recent Posts

    Homeless Fergie Found Under Waterloo Bridge

    LONDON - England - Yes, you guessed correctly. It's under Waterloo Bridge for the former…

    11 hours ago

    Prince Andrew: “Why is it just the Brits in the Epstein files?”

    DUBAI - UAE - Prince Andrew decries why the Epstein files mainly focus on the…

    18 hours ago

    Why I had to dump the “Jonah” Commissar Reeves from the China begging trip

    BEIJING - China - Comrade Starmer explains why he dumped "Jonah" Commissar Reeves from the…

    2 days ago

    Comrade Starmer Visiting Communist Comrades in China

    BEIJING - China - Comrade Starmer is on a visit to the communist country as…

    4 days ago

    Open Borders Socialist Spain Fast Tracks Half a Million Illegal Migrants Coming to UK

    MADRID - Spain - The far-leftist socialist government has fast-tracked citizenship for over half a…

    4 days ago

    Socialist Tory Party Disgusted as Conservative Defects to Brigand Bandit Group

    LONDON - England - Comrade Badenoch of the Socialist Tory Party is very angry that…

    6 days ago

    This website uses cookies.