Why Loveable Cad Boris Johnson’s Job is Safe

Trying to catch out Boris Johnson is akin to trying to juggle with live squid as the Labourites, quislings and Remoaners have realised. Much to the consternation of the assorted menacing beasts of Westminster, Boris just keeps ticking away despite the numerous barriers and shouts of condemnation against him.

So, why is Boris’s job as safe as houses?

Well, this is quite an easy question to answer. No one in their right mind would dream of taking over the bloody mess the country is in at the moment. The Americans in the military very succinctly call this a “clusterfuck” and certainly the problems in Britain, especially in the economy, are increasing daily. No politician in their right mind, on the Tory right or the Labour left would put their career to such a test, simply because it does not matter what you do in this mess, it will all end in tears.

Somehow, of course Boris deals with the numerous problems with relative ease, and is probably exactly the right chap to be in charge at the moment. Boris doesn’t give a fuck, and that is exactly the attitude needed to not end up a gibbering wreck as the other politicians would invariably end up as.

From surviving the snivelling wretched vengeful plots of former SPAD Cummings, treacherous interrogations by Beth Rigby and the ‘Partygate’ pathetic pettifogging manhunt as well as irrelevancies like ‘wallpapergate’, Boris is a consistent survivor. One could imagine him on a desert island surviving quite well, possibly increasing the population if he found a few native women, or goats.

The key to all of the constant attacks of course has to be Brexit, as plot after plot by the Remoaners come daily, and are aptly quashed daily. It seems the Remoaners just do not get it, much like cult members who cannot be deprogrammed, their only salvation is a dumdum bullet in the cranium.

The EU is itching for Boris to be ousted, and they are using their well-payed (backhanders) agents in Westminster to hatch plots on a constant basis to topple the PM. What these useful idiots are not thinking about though is — who the hell will take over after Boris has gone? They can try to install one of their Remoaner stooges but invariably they will be rumbled sooner or later, plus they will simply not be able to cope with the mega problems at hand.

In this time, in this hour of need, it is only Boris who can lead Britain through the mire. Sure, Boris has made some serious capitulations and Brexit fuckups, but what is the alternative? If a Tory Remoaner or god forbid Labour politician ever gets into power, Brexit will be seriously compromised.

For now though, Boris is safe.