Brussels Orders End to British Curries

Britain’s love affair with the Friday night pissed up balti and vindaloo will be phased out by a new EU directive from Brussels next week as it orders British people to eat something more European.

“It’s a Brit tradition. You go down the curry house, get boozed up on eight pints of watered down lager, take the piss out of the waiters, then order a vindaloo or two. Next morning you’ll be on the khasi pissing it all out of your burning arse. It’s part of our culture, innit,” Jed Moran, 45, a man from Liverpool told the BBC.

The EU wants the new curry directive to be implemented by next week.

“Ve haf vays of making you eat frites with mayonnaise. Also you Englishers will haf to show your papers before you eat at ze restaurant und all eating zones will haf to show ze EU swastika, ahem, I mean star flag,” comrade Jacques Stasi, one of the unelected bureaucrats in charge of the operation, told Bild from Berlin on Tuesday.

All eating establishments in England and Wales will be required to only serve EU regulated meals plus regulations regarding appearance will require restaurants and eateries to fly an EU flag outside the door.

Prime Minister, David Cameron, who was last seen swimming in a sewer somewhere near Wapping, was not available for comment about the new EU directive, and probably did not care much for it either.