Obama: "Hey, At least I Still Have My Job"

Speaking from the White House’s Rose garden, the president reassured Americans that everything was alright, with regards to employment.

“You all may be wondering when your next pay check is coming from, how you’re going to feed your kids, or if you can pay the mortgage next month? I want to reassure you all that as long as I have a job and am president of you, nothing else matters. This is why I want you to vote for a second term so I can continue my socialist dream on America. Soon you all might be as fucked up as Europe is and you all can thank me for that.”

The recent jobs report puts the American unemployment rate at 9.1% with only 54,000 new jobs created in May, of which half were for low paid McDonalds vacancies.

President Obama then went on to say: “Americans have a choice. You can flip burgers for $6 per hour or you can starve. It’s your choice. Anyway, I can’t be bothered with this, I’m off to play some more golf.”

The U.S. is faced with the prospect of its $14.34 trillion debt being compounded by heavy unemployment, three wars, China reducing its holdings in U.S.Treasury bills by 98% and a spendthrift socialist president who likes to play golf all day.