When Jesus Comes Back He's Going to Look Up Sarah Palin First

“I didn’t know Jesus was Jewish until yesterday when one of my speechwriters said so. I always thought he was Amish or something,” Mrs Palin said as she was escorted to the Wailing Wall to offer some prayers.

The former vice president also added further words of wisdom to her hosts on this remarkable visit to Israel.

“Unlike the guy in the White House now, I’m pro Jewish so I’ll be expecting y’all to vote for me in 2012. That’s why I made this trip here to Israel. Look at this huge Star of David I’m wearing around my frickin’ neck. It don’t get more obvious than that. To tell y’all the truth, I don’t even know if Israel is next to France? Can we visit Paris next?”

Unfortunately for Palin, the two day visit did not include excursions to Nazareth, Bethlehem or Paris.

“I was told that’s where the animals are kept and we should stay away. No one told us that Bethlehem is where the Palestinians are imprisoned. When Jesus comes back, I’ll be president and he’ll want his birthplace cleaned out for good. Dang, I’ll make goddamn sure about that too, I might even lend him one of my rifles. Then I’ll visit when all the Muslims have been neutralized. You betcha!” Sarah Palin said before leaving for the next leg of her pre-election world tour.