Benefit Scroungers Revolt When Told Benefits Capped at £26,000

“I’m afraid the gravy train has passed for the benefit scroungers who don’t work and choose to stay at home getting drunk playing their playstations on their 56″ HD televisions. These are hard times we’re going through and instead of the usual £65,000 per annum they were each getting under Labour we’ve reduced it a little to £26,000. But to ease your permanent holidays, we’ll throw in free bus passes worth £950 per year and free boob jobs for the women worth £4,500 on the NHS and teeth veneering for anyone who wants it worth over £15,000,” Chancellor George Osborne announced at the Conservative conference on Wednesday.

Indeed, these are hard times for people who are permanently on benefits.

“I haven’t worked for thirteen years and I used to get £700 a week for my trouble. Where am I going to buy my booze and fags now that I’m only going to be getting 500 quid a week? This is a fookin’ disgrace!” Ed Hendry, 43, from North Lanarkshire told the BBC.

All over the country, there has been a mass outcry from the millions of people who are receiving state benefits for not working.

Mr Davy Daly, a permanently unemployed man from Humberside said: “I can’t live on 26 grand a year. You must be joking, that’s my travel money right there. Where am I going to go this year for heavens sake? Looks like Tuscany is out.”

Deirdre Scabb, 23, a mother of eight children from different fathers was outraged at the benefits cap: “I’ve been breeding my feral monsters for f*ckin’ ages so that I could rack up a good benefits package. Now this Osborne c**t comes along and tells me that benefits is capped. Who does he think he is? That was a lot of hard work that was spreading my legs to all and sundry.”

Another benefits reliant scrounger, Kevin Bunion, 35, said: “Even though people who work pay me to be idle and relax all day on benefits, I am disgusted at them. They should work harder for us and suffer bigger taxes so that I and my mates can live a life of leisure on state handouts. F*ck them, they owe us.”