The EU: 'More Tax Please You're British'

“Ve haf vays of making you pay,” an EU official has told Britain’s chancellor, Osborne, yesterday at an impromptu Treasury meeting.

EU budget commissioner Janusz Lewandowski, ordered the British chancellor to commit Britain to pay tax to fund poor Eastern European countries like Greece, Romania, Slovakia and Lithuania.

“We want the stupid people of Britain to fund our Soviet Fascist expansionist plans for the 1000 year Reich. We know very well how the UK is known as ‘Ripoff Britain’ because any form of indignity that is presented to the Brits is eaten up without question. We also know that all goods sold in the UK are marked up by over 75% and no one even asks any questions. In that case, here in the Eurozone, we wish the English pigs to fund our unlimited salaries and expense accounts as well as bolster the failing states which we have invited into our single currency mechanism. Your role will be quite simple. Pay up or we will crush you one way or another,” Mr Lewandowski told the BBC after the meeting at the Treasury.

Britain already hands over £9 billion per annum to the EU super state and has been ordered to add to this sum substantially.

“It’s a win win situation for Britain. You get to pay for the poor people to come into your country from Eastern Europe so that they can take your resources, overcrowd your cities, increase crime and f*ck your women. What more do you want?” the EU budget commissioner said whilst grinning like a well fed Cheshire cat.