Urgent Appeal for Donations to Save Fergie

You may have a spare Bentley hanging around or you may not need that mink coat encrusted in gaudy jewels stuffed behind the washing machine anymore.

Spare a thought for poor old Fergie who has fallen on hard times again. Please donate your luxury goods to her so she can squander that as well.

The Daily Squib is appealing on behalf of Sarah Ferguson to restore her bank balance to its true state, that is why we are appealing for £10 million so that she can at least spend the next four to five months in modest living conditions.

“There may be people dying in floods all over the world, starving children in Africa and many in Northern England do not even have running water or basic food, but who gives a flying toss about them? Please donate all your cash and luxury goods to my fund. Also, if Bill Gates, Warren Buffett or any other billionaires are reading this, I am in grave need of a billion or two. Oh, any rich Arab sheikhs out there? I will literally do anything for you. I’m even willing to go with Mel Gibson and endure the daily beatings,” the Duchess said on Saturday at a fund raising event in a Gloucestershire abattoir.

Please send your donations to: DS Fergie Luxury Appeal Fund, P.O. Box 4359, Windsor Castle East Wing, Buckinghamshire, SL4 666